Still Air
July 5, 2006 by bluebonnet-elf
I am aching to leave. It is not an assertion of independence as I am already suffocated by the freedom that college and working have brought me, which translates to being the sole in-charge of my life. It may sound good but there are many complications to it like finding myself desperate and helpless at times. I am not sure if it’s because I want to prove something, and even not surer what that something is. I would want to think that it’s because I want to advance in my career, achieve greater things and convince myself that I could be good if I really wanted to. But underneath these is the longing to be appreciated and a wish that somehow, the people I care so much about would realize that they are missing something. What scares me in facing this battle of self-worth is the realization that even after I’m gone, my absence would not be felt just like still air on a hot summer day. It may be too selfish of me but I know that it would hurt me deeply knowing that while I try to endure the academic and personal struggles in a far-away land, their worlds revolve just the same - never minding the still air they cannot see, but is just there… always hanging around.
Hi Lyn,
This is going to be strange as you barely even know me…Im not even sure if you still remember me. I was a batch higher than you, we went to the same high school and college. Anyway, I just came across your blog and for some reason I felt obligated to respond to it.
Here is a quote I read in one of the cards that was given to me before I left for the states 3 years ago. Let’s just say.. life happened…the way you dream it to be and then a lot more(not always good though)… i wouldn’t change a thing about it. I share this with you in the hope that it inspires you the same way it continues inspire me…….
–
If you ever feel lost, here is a simple way to find yourself on a path toward hope:
Go out to a far place where the grass grows tall and wild.
Be silent.
Be patient.
Watch the way the wind combs the fields, the way birds and insects go where they will.
Stay until you understand that freedom is yours.
You were born a creature of possibilities.
And for everything that ever hurt you, dismissed your dreams, brought you despair, or bound you to some small idea of what your life might be, there are a thousand other things saying:
WELCOME TO THE WORLD. BELONG TO IT, AND IT BELONGS TO YOU.